Getting stung with comparisitis and what to do about it.
You’re in the middle of a conversation and a deafening voice stops you in your tracks. It’s not coming from the person you’re speaking to or someone else interrupting your dialogue. It’s a voice coming from inside your head.
I was being interviewed on a podcast recently about Sell From Love and, uninvited, this voice inside my head started telling me:
‘His eyes are all over the place, he’s reading his computer screen. He’s not even paying attention.”
‘You’re not telling a compelling story; this is the same old and he’s totally uninterested.’
“Annie would be so much better at this. He should be interviewing her, she’s more dynamic, energetic, and would definitely have better things to say.”
Kid you not, while this narrative was going on inside my head, I was doing my best to answer the questions coming at me.
Has this ever happened to you? While you’re speaking, an inner, negative chatter takes over letting you know all the ways in which you don’t measure up or don’t have enough of something compared to someone else. I’d wager it happens more often than we’d like to admit and even more frequently than we’re consciously aware of.
There’s a program in our brain that gets triggered any time we venture outside our comfort zone, do something that has high stakes or veer away from the tried and true. To make sure we stay safe, our brain does what it does best – judges, assesses, and decides. It judges the situation, assesses your success rate, and feeds you options to take the safest and most prudent path, even if that choice shortchanges your outcomes. Safety is its top priority.
As I was being interviewed on this podcast, alarm bells were wailing – alert, alert, alert! The fear program was set off and the negative, critical voice in my head took charge. It happens so subtly and quickly that we don’t even know it’s taking place.
Comparisitis is one of the options my brain gave me to keep me safe. ‘Stop!’ it was telling me. ‘You can’t match Annie’s performance so don’t even try. It’s not worth the risk because you might come up short!’
Thankfully this time, I was able to separate who I really was from what the voice in my head was telling me.
A few moments later, I heard something else: ‘You are different than Annie. Neither of you are better.’
Different is better than better.
This is a mantra Sally Hogshead, Creator of How to Fascinate®, repeatedly shares. It has been something that has been tattooed in my brain. The timely emergence of this mantra was exactly what I needed to make a shift in how I was showing up during that podcast interview. Or more importantly, what I was telling myself, that was informing and influencing my presence.
The words you say to yourself, the judgements you hold, and the comparing game your brain likes to play, impose a limiting view on the brilliant, complete, and capable person you are.
You don’t have to succumb to your brain’s default, fear-based, survival instinct tendencies. Instead, you can get back into the driver’s seat and take control of the steering wheel. Next time you find that voice in your head taking over and playing the comparing game, do this:
- Stop and separate yourself from the voice in your head. You are not the discounting and devaluing chatter in your mind. Learn to notice and observe its narrative. Then practice interrupting the story it’s telling about you. You are more than the limiting tale it is attempting to make you believe.
- Look back to move forward. They say hindsight is 20/20. Reflect on situations that don’t go as planned. You may discover triggers that activate your inner critic or comparing tendencies. This interview experience felt transactional. It was as if I was a number, just another episode in this big machine. Once again, I had more evidence that I’m at my best with more human touch; I need to feel real connection. I can’t relax if I feel like I’m just another cog in the wheel.
- Finally, remember – no one is better at being YOU. Everyone is different, and different is better than better! Embrace your differences and use them to feel more confident, serve more people as only you can, and create the business and life you deserve.
Do you want to use your Brilliant Difference to build a business you love?
Then you need to check out the Sell From Love Academy.
The Sell From Love Academy is a 12 week live, online group coaching program that will teach you how to earn more profit, reach more clients and make a bigger impact without fear, uncertainty, and doubt holding you back.
You can learn more at www.sfl.com/academy.
It would be incredible to have an opportunity to work together so you could experience the game changing impact of Selling from love.